She stared at him from across the room. Her hair fell into her eyes, she didn’t bother to brush it away as she stared at him. “Shawn, he was such a pretty boy, with a pretty boy name.” I mumbled interrupting my thoughts.
How I wished she would someday look at me like that. Her let her hair rest across her lips and just watched him. Shawn was unattainable, the lead defender on our football team with the cheerleader girlfriend that you would expect such a guy to have. His girlfriend was sitting next to him looking at him too, with those flirty eyes. Why did they all look at him, no one ever looked at me. I couldn’t see why they didn’t, I am fairly good looking, or at least I think so. I’ve got green eyes and black hair, maybe it be better if I had blue eyes and blonde hair. If I dyed my hair and got colored contacts maybe she’d look at me like she looked at him. Maybe she’d mistake me for him and go for the attainable target. The copycat version of him, maybe. What if I joined the football team instead of taking pictures of every great tackle he makes. I could make some tackles of my own. I’ve never really had an interest in football, but I’m pretty good at it. So why couldn’t I? Why didn’t I? Maybe I should.
“Mr. Wald. Could I have your attention please?” my teacher, Mr. Smith called.
“Huh? Yeah, sorry, I’m paying attention.”
“Good, now as I was saying…The projects will be due on February 19th. Two weeks from today. I know, I know,” he said as a loud groan spread across the room, “Not a lot of time for chatting with your friends. That’s why I’m picking your groups.” Another loud groan, “That’s right me, not you. So here’s how it goes…” I zoned out until I heard my name, “Amanda Lee, Valerie Matheson, Daniel Wald, and Shawn Zane…next group”
Great I’m in a group with Shawn, Amanda, and Valerie. Why did Mr. Smith love torturing me so much. The guy I envied and two of the cheerleader bimbos that were friends with his girlfriend. Mr. Smith must have seen the annoyance in my eyes because he asked me to stay after class.
“Dan, I know those people are not your friends. You are a good strong worker, and Shawn is as well, he just doesn’t seem like it. With all of you working together you should be able to get an A. Shawn can manage a lot of the work and so can you. I want Amanda and Val to have some kind of participation so have them present.” He concluded.
“Alright I’ll try to work with them on this project.” I responded as I walked out the door and into Shawn.
“Hey, Dan, I’ve got a question for you.”
“Umm, yeah, ok. What is it?”
“Can I actually do some of the work?”
“What?” I asked in surprise. Why would he ask me a question like that? Before I could ask he answered for me.
“Whenever I get partnered with the smart or studious kids they tell me I don’t have to do anything, and to go play video games. I hate video games.”
“Umm, Sure. You can do some work. You want Amanda and Val to do anything?” I asked slowly. I was very confused. Why the hell was he telling me all this?
“No, they wouldn’t do anything anyways. Thanks man. I’ve got to get to practice, so I’ll call you tomorrow?”
“What? Oh yeah… yeah see you.”
“Bye,” Shawn said as he gave me a backwards hand wave.
I turned slowly and as I walked away I kept looking back at him. Why did he say all of that to me? Why, why, why, it was the only thing I could think as I walked home. I turned onto my driveway and sat on my front steps and waited for my mom to come home and let me in. She doesn’t trust me with keys. She’s terrified one day that I’ll bring a girl home, or something. That’s a laugh what girl would go home with me they’d all go with him wouldn’t they. God! My life sucks. I’m a junior in high school and I have to walk home from school and sit outside on the porch because my mom is paranoid. I think I should ask for a key. At least if she won’t let me drive to school I should have a key. As the car pulled into the driveway, I realized that Shawn didn’t know my number.
“Hey, Danny. How was your day?” She asked as she got out of the car.
“It was great mom. Who wouldn’t like having to go to school and having a bunch of morons talk about random crap that doesn’t really mean anything. Not me, I love it.” “Cut with the sarcasm Danny, and help with the groceries.” She was trying to unlock the door while carrying three bags full of junk. I grabbed two bags and followed her into the kitchen. We started unloading groceries without another word. Ahh, routine. How was your day Danny? Great! Enough sarcasm. Unload groceries, go to rooms, come down for supper, more random talk, make even more small talk during the dishes, and go back to solitary confinement in rooms.
“I’ll be in my room doing homework. OK mom?“
“Alright just keep your music down. Please.” She called up to me as I went up the stairs to my room.
The first thing I did was put in my Bastard Mix CD and crank it up. Then I moved to my desk, reached under the drawer to get my notebook that I’d hidden there when my dad left, and opened it to a blank page. I was near the end of it now, a five subject notebook almost full. Just looking at it made it seem as if he’d been gone all the longer. It was full of short stories, poems, swearwords, anything I felt like putting in there. All the first section had to say was…“WHY?” that’s it. It was phrased differently each page. I didn’t just write why a million times. I had poems trying to figure out why he left. Why I felt sad, and not pissed off. That was from five years ago when he first left. The second section was the second year, started on the one year anniversary of his leaving. It was then that I got pissed, a whole year and not a single attempt at contacting his ex-wife, or me. Not even on my birthday, nothing at all. That’s where most of the swearing comes in, “I fucking hate you, dad!” is written all over the place, almost every five lines. The third section was when I finally started to accept my father for what he’d done to us. Again it was started on the anniversary of his death, that’s what we call it now, at least. My mom went to a lawyer, and told him what my dad did, and she got legally divorced. She’s never tried to date, I think she just wanted to be rid on him completely. His name had been on all the bills and stuff, I don’t think she could stand it anymore. The third section still had a lingering hint of the pain my father caused, but I moved on to just writing about anything that came into mind. My first official short story is in this section. I called it Invisible. It was about a kid that moved to a new town and didn’t fit in at all. In fact, no one seemed to notice him. He figured out that all the pain he held made him that way. So he learned to deal with it, but when he finally did everyone had moved on, he was all alone. I was proud of it, it won this writing contest. I was the only 8th grader ever to win.
Of course my mom is a psychologist, and thought I was talking about myself. In a way I guess I was, but I think I was just writing a story that people could relate to. The fourth section was more stories that I thought people would relate to. My psychologist, (I wasn’t allowed to see my mom, special interest or some such shit), thought I had so many disorders he had to give me to a different psychologist. He was having me write during the week, (In a different notebook. I didn’t tell them about this one) what I felt. I made up some of the dumbest stuff. Later I turned my favorites from each month into full length short stories, that filled the fourth section. After the second psychologist decided there wasn’t anything really wrong with me, I started this section. The fifth and final section. It’s everything that I’ve decided was relevant for me to write, some of it embellished into page-long fantasies. Lately they’ve all been about her, and him. I think the first shrink was actually right on the money when he said I had an unnatural attachment disorder. The second guy just thought that was more stuff brought on by my invented writing.
“Daniel! Daniel? Dinner!” my mom called up the stairs to me.
As I trundled down the stairs I responded, “Alright, Mom! What is it?”
“It’s, umm, leftover lasagna for you.” she said, standing over by the sink wringing her hands.
“What do you mean for me aren’t you eating?” I asked, sitting down, and giving her an odd look.
“No, I have a date tonight.” she responded uncomfortably.
I nearly fell out of my chair. When I regained my senses I said, “A what?”
“A date, alright. I have a date. I’ve been divorced legally for three years, and separated for five. I have a right to date.” she defensively responded, shuffling from the fridge to the microwave.
“Ok mom relax, I was just asking.” She nervously flitted around the room going to the refrigerator every ten seconds to see if her hair was still in place. Smoothing her blouse she turned to me and asked, “Do I look ok?”
“Yeah, mom. You look great.”
“Thanks, honey,” she said turning and smiling at me.
“Who’s this date with anyways?” I asked with a slight smile of my own.
“Why don’t you answer the door. I don’t think you know him,” she replied as calmly as she could, “Oh! God! He’s here” I walked over to the door wondering who my mom could’ve met in this town.
I opened the door and stared in shock, “Mr. Smith! What are you doing here?”
“I have a date with Mary Kast?” He said slowly, and confused.
“Holy Shit!” I muttered under my breath before turning and shouting back down the hallway, “Mom!”
“Yeah, honey? Hello, Adam.” After an awkward moment of silence my mom said, “Do you know each other?”
“I’m Dan’s English teacher.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that. Well, I knew you were an English teacher I didn’t know Dan was in your class.”
“I didn’t know you were Dan’s mother. Your last names are different.”
I cut in, “I kept my dad’s name, she went back to her maiden name.”
After a few seconds of shuffling around, Mr. Smith said, “Oh, well this has been sufficiently uncomfortable.”
“Yeah, it has.” I stated hurredly, “Have a good time, mom. I’ll do the dishes. Bye, Mr. Smith.”
“Bye, Dan.” My mom kissed me on the cheek and mouthed I love you before shutting the door behind her. I stood in the hall staring at the door. My mom was out with my English teacher! What the hell kind of parallel world did I walk into! I like Mr. Smith, but why did he have to date my mom. It was weird to think about so I focused on my stomach, I turned around and headed for the kitchen. My eyes fell on a piece of paper on the counter. I picked it up, and almost immediately dropped it due to shock. My dad had written us a letter! I looked at the date it was from. It was dated 2 months after he left. My mom told me he never wrote. Why was I having all these revelations now! My mom was out with my teacher, my dad had written us, and Shawn Zane wasn’t the asshole I had imagined him to be for all my life. I sat at the table and read the letter while trying to eat as much as I could. My dad said he was sorry for leaving and that he promised to write as often as he could. He promised to write as often as he could, and my mom had never shown me any letters. Had she been getting rid of them as soon as she could? Had he even sent anymore? If he did, why wouldn’t she show them to me? I put the letter down, and finished my cold lasagna.
After quickly scrubbing the dishes I left them in the sink to air-dry, then walked to my room. I paced around the area around my bed, finally deciding what to do I strode to the second half of my room and, pulled my notebook out of its hiding spot and started writing furiously. Could all of this really be happening? I wrote a quick story about a boy who falls into an alternate dimension, and ends up changing his actually history. It was rough and made no sense, but all the same it made me calmer. Writing always did. I turned on my CD player, and walked back to the area that my bed is in. Dropping into my sunken floor I flopped down onto my bed. I must have fallen asleep. I woke to bright sun shining through my window, nearly blinding me. I blinked and looked at my clock, it was almost noon. I must have been really tired. I got out of bed, and stumbled to the shower. After I had sufficiently woken myself up with the cold spray of water I headed downstairs.
“Mom! Mom! Where are you?” I looked around the kitchen and headed towards the living room. Before I got there I saw a note pinned to our bulletin board. “Dear Dan, I had a good time with Mr. Smith last night, and he asked me out for a quick lunch today. You were asleep when I got home, and you still are. I’ve decided to let you sleep. I should be home sometime before 5. Love you, Mom” I stared at my mom’s loopy handwriting for at least 5 min before I heard the phone ring.
“Hello?” I nearly dropped the phone when I heard the voice on the other end of the line.
“Hey, Dan.”
“Shawn?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Did you want to start working today?” I just stood there holding the phone, in silence. “Dan? You still there?”
“Yeah, I am. Sorry. Sure we could start today. Where do you want to meet?” “Umm…I don’t know, I just thought we’d start working today.” I could almost hear him blush over the phone, this is so weird.
“Huh. Well…how about your house?”
He replied hurridly, “I don’t know my brothers and sisters are a hassle. What about yours?”
“We’d have to do all of our research through the book. I don’t have a computer.” “That’s fine. We can come over here to type everything, and print up the posters, later.” He said, if possible, even faster.
“Umm…OK. That’s fine. Do you need directions?”
“No, I know where you live. You’re only 5 blocks away from me.”
“Am I? I didn’t know that.” I was really confused now.
“Well…I’ll be at your house soon.” He seemed to have calmed down now, maybe I was imagining things.
“O.K. Bye.”
“Bye.”
I stared at the phone for a full five minutes before I decided I should clean up the house a bit. I immediately ran up the stairs and to my room. When I got there I started throwing things in my closet. Then I realized that my room was a hopeless mess.
“At least I know I don’t have OCD.” I muttered to myself, while rummaging through my things for my books. I finally found them, and rushed down the stairs again. When I crash landed in the kitchen I heard the doorbell. He was here already. Shawn Zane at my house to work on a project, this was unbelievable.
